I feel like I'm 30

Oh wait, I am.

In fact, I'm now counting down 8 and 1/2 more months until I turn (gulp) 31.

All year long, pre-birthday, people kept telling me "Don't worry about it - you'll feel exactly the same. It's not big deal." or "You know 30 is the new 20, right?"

Well I'm hear to tell you all of those so-called encouraging words and optomistic people were WRONG! I soooooo feel the number 30!

Last week, as my boss and I were interviewing candidates to replace me, and had narrowed it down to "the one", I was discussing it with my assistant, Stephanie. She asked me, "How old is she? She's kind of young isn't she?"

It had never really occurred to me how old or young she was. All I cared about was that she was qualified.

I said, "I'm not really sure, let me look up her birthdate......Okay here it is, 1984."

Stephanie looked at me with wide eyes and said, "She's 2 years younger than me! My new boss is going to be younger than me."

It had never even occured to me. I quickly did the math, and realized that Stephanie was 25, and the new girl is 23.

Then Stephanie says: "I mean, it's not a big deal I guess, but do you think the property will do as well with someone so young? I mean, it's like we need someone older here. NOT that you're old or anything, but you are 5 years older than me. NOT that 30 is old, I mean I think of you as the same age as me, but you do have 5 more years of experience. You're just older and wiser. You know what I mean."

At this point, I'm sitting there at my desk and wondering if I had accumulated any new crows feet around my eyes lately, if I was out of style and still wearing the same clothes as 10 years ago, or if any grey hairs had shown up yet BECAUSE, HELLO, IF I DIDN'T FEEL OLD BEFORE I CERTAINLY DID NOW!

So I pose the question, is there a certain point that we all reach in our lives where we forget the age factor? I mean, when I was interviewing candidates I didn't even think to consider their age. But someone else 5 years my junior, it was the major factor in deciding on whether or not they would make a good candidate.

And is it true that you are always attracted to people your own age? When you go to church on Sunday, do you automatically scan the room for other people your own age? Or in my case, being married, do Will and I scan the room for other younger-looking couples to get to know? Honestly yes I sort of do, but I also like befriending older and younger people too.

Perhaps for me, the age factor never really mattered, but society and the world today is forcing me to fit inside a square; a placement for my age. Because really, when I think about it, I only feel old when others make me feel so.

For example: "You're 30??? No way, you don't look at that old."

So regardless of what encouraging words people give you pre-30th-birthday, I am here today to tell you that they aren't telling you the truth.

If you haven't turned 30 yet, you will someday and yes you will feel it. And the sad thing is no, I don't have any more crows feet around my eyes than I did 3 months ago, yes I do think I dress up to date, and no I don't even have a single grey hair on my head.

It's a number factor.

Therefore, I'm no longer 30 years old. I'm proclaiming to the world "I'm twenty-ten, dangitt!!"

Jenni