Monday, May 4, 2009

We Did it Will's Way Today.

Today - we did things Will's way.

Instead of going to the gym today, I opted to take Preston out for a walk in the stroller.

"Preston and I are headed out for a walk, " I said to Will. "Do you want to come or should we just go?"

Will mumbles under his breath and tries to open his eyes through a groggy state of mind. He had gotten up at 5:30am with Preston, then went running at 6:00am and had been trying to catch up on a little bit of sleep.

"Ummm"... (yawn, stretch) he replies,"Yeah, ...I'll go with you guys."

But instead of my usual route, Will talked me into going on a trail with him on one of his routes. I was a bit apprehensive, but I said "Okey dokey."

The trail was muddy. We went just over 5 miles. He was amazingly fast, being in his element. I was amazingly SLOW, being out of mine. I was sweating. He was not. I got stinging neddle. He did not. I had to pee three times on our hike. And no there weren't any outhouses so I had to squat in the woods. Sometimes being a girl really stinks in that respect. Preston giggled and swatted at bugs.

So we did exercise his way.

Later this afternoon (post hike), we were all just hanging around the house doing our own stuff. I could all of a sudden smell Preston's poopy diaper from across the room.

"Preston you have stinky pants!" I said to him, loud enough that I was hoping his Dad would come and do the duty.

Minutes went by.

I decided I would go and change him but first I needed to finish exporting a track in my music program and convert it to an mp3 and email it to my Mom as she had been patiently waiting for it for like 3 weeks now.

"All right poopy pants, Whew!! Let's get this done." I hear as Will comes over to Preston and swoops him up and takes him into the nursury.

About 30 seconds later I hear "Ughhhhh, we've got a blowout!"

I imagine Preston's outfit completely covered in poo.

A minute later, I hear:

"No Preston noo,....Oh no!! Don't eat that! No no no!!" with intermittent laughs from Will in between, "No Preston don't put that in your mouth! Ughhhhh HELP!!!"

Oh great I thought.

I get up and run into the nursury.

There is Preston sitting up on his changing table with a big dumb grin on his face while munching away on something, and Will with and even dumber grin on his the size of Texas, accompanied by the reddest face I'd ever seen busting up laughing. I'm totally freaking out.

"So what happened?? Did he REALLY eat some of his poo?" I asked frantically.

Will, trying to stop laughing so he can answer my question...could only nod his head.

I'm PMSy so I don't find this funny at all. "Well how much did he eat??? Why didn't you stop him?"

After not getting any sort of good answer as to why Will didn't stop, other than "There was this tiny piece of poop that splatted out onto the changing table as I swiped his bum and he reached over and picked it up and put it in his mouth before I could stop him!", I decided that he was a horrible father (not really, but at that moment I declared to him that he was).

Preston's looking up at me with in his birthday suit smiling. I'm looking in his mouth trying to find the poop but it is long gone. I look at Preston's backside and it is covered in slimy poop, just all over the place. He seems to think it is pretty funny.

"Please, go take him" I said.

Will, still giggling, takes Preston to the bathroom and plops him into the bathtub as I stayed and disinfected his changing table three times and contemplated just how much poop one would have to eat for it to be toxic.

And so, we did diaper changes Will's way.

It's no wonder men have a saying that goes, "Look woman, you can tell a man what to do, or how to do it but not both."

I've decided it is far better to tell a man HOW to do something from now on.


Marissa and Scott said...

Eeeeewwwwww! I'm with you, that's so gross! But HILARIOUS! Haha! I'm literally laughing as I'm typing this. Thanks for sharing. :)

McLaughlin Family said...

Mmm... that's just not tasty at all. Seriously, that is a hilarious story!!! I'm laughing out loud while reading it. Thanks for the laugh :)

Steve and Ileana said...

Holy crap! Literally...

Steve and Ileana said...

PS - It's amazing how kids will literally eat anything when they're that small...

Steve and Tammy said...

You had me cracking up the whole time. I was sure Will was playing a prank on you, but I guess not.

I was a little surprised that you expected Will to respond to your not-so-subtle "stinkypants" comment. I mean, we guys play the dumb card pretty well when it comes to that. If you say something like that out loud, our instinctive reaction is to:
1) pretend we didn't hear you,
2) convince ourselves that since you mentioned it, you're going to take care of it, and
3) tell you later, "If you wanted me to do it, why didn't you ask/tell me to?" Because subtle hints either a) are too hard for us to understand or b) give us a semi-legitimate excuse not to jump up and do something we don't want to.

But Will, the good guy that he is, did get around to it, even if it wasn't in the immediate manner you had hoped.

Frankly, nobody wants to change a poopy diaper, but when it comes down to it, a good parent also doesn't want their small child to have to sit in it even more than they don't want to clean it up. Good for Will. Good for Preston, too (the diaper change, not the snack).

Brian & Veronica said...

that is so sick it's funny! LOL hahahahahaha.