Tuesday, August 10, 2010

39 Week Dr Appt

From The Belly Diaries, Tues, Aug 10th, 2010
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Yes, I'm still here and still fat and pregnant.

I had my 39 week Dr Appt this morning (38 and 1/2, being I won't be officially 39 for a couple of days).

It's weird to think that my next doctor appointment next Tuesday will be my 40 week appointment and then that's it. Thursday is my scheduled csection.

I have 8 days left until the csect date.

8 days to still try to encourage labor.

8 days of absolute miserableness.

See, God and I are pretty close and we have this agreement. I know that if it's safe for me to do a VBAC, then He'll make it happen. He'll help this little one to come early. Because given everything I've gone through to seek out a new doctor and change everything over just so that I can have the opportunity to try to VBAC, He surely knows what it would mean to me.

However, I know that if this little one does not come early, then it's Heavenly Father's way of telling me "Look, I know what is best for you and the baby and VBAC'ing is not it. End of story."

After going to my appointment this morning and finding out that there had been no change, yet again, for the 3rd appt in a row...I was seriously starting to doubt this whole vbac thing.

I was trying to not get my hopes up, but given how poopy I felt yesterday (it was seriously like THE worst I've felt in my entire life), I thought for sure it was a sign that this baby would be coming soon. I could have sworn he dropped even more, and with him keeping me up for 2 hours straight last night while he wiggled, stretched, kicked and more....I thought for sure he's trying to kick his way out and is getting things ready.

But nope.

Still 80% effaced, still at a -2 station, and that !@)#(*!@#*)&(*^ cervix is still high and closed. (I don't really swear, but I thought that would get my point across about how I feel about my cervix right now. You can replace those exclamations with whatever you want. I was thinking "stupid", but whatever you want, like I said).

I know that the power of positive thinking, particularly when it comes to the human body, can have a big impact. I've really been trying to keep hope and stay positive. But I have to admit, after today's appointment, the only thing I could think was "My cervix is incompetant. I'm going to have a csection because my cervix is doing the exact same thing it did last time. My body just does not have a clue how to let go and go into labor on its own."

After being in induced labor with Preston for 22 hours, I was dialated to "maybe a 5, if even that" (said my doctor), "but your cervix is still up behind his head."

Now I don't understand all of the logistics of my own anatomy and how things work and come into place for labor, but I do know that the cervix is the door and if the door isn't in place, nothing's coming in or out. And apparently my body thinks it's Fort Knox.

It's hard to think positively right now, or to think that "this time it will be different."

Will said to me this morning "You still have 8 more days to try." All I heard in my head was "You have to still endure 8 more days of pain and misery."

Seriously, if you don't know why this last homestretch is miserable, here is a brief list of reasons why:

- My hips hurt
- My pelvic bones feel like they're being grinded on
- I feel like I can't get enough rest and am completely overly tired
- I have a baby's head that feels like it's between my legs
- I'm so loose that when I stand up after sitting, I feel like I'm going to dislocate something on my first step.
- My back is killing me- I'm super emotional and moody
- My legs will sporatically go numb from baby pushing on nerves
- I'm just DONE.

I think I just need to take a nap and catch up on some sleep, and then remotivate myself about this.

I'm going to try to do the exercise ball some more this afternoon to see if that will help (sitting on it and rotating hips around to try to encourage the cervix to come down).

That stupid stupid lame cervix. Er, uh, I mean wonderful cooperative healthy cervix!

Blah.

7 comments:

NelsonFam said...

Not that it makes a difference. But my cervix is always too high as well - even when I am past due but when the actual labor starts it drops fast. Either way this little guy is going to get here and that is what is important but I hope for you that things can so as you would like.

Jenni said...

Thanks Laura. That is encouraging. I hope it is like that for me. It's just that with Preston's labor I was in labor and dialated and my cervix still never dropped. My doctor said I have an "uncoopertaive cervix" and that was partly why she did not think I would be a good candidate for vbac. But who knows....hoping this time will be different.

Dan Thomas said...

Just keep saying 'The Lord know best."

Will and Heidi said...

Just keep that positive attitude and yes remember that the Lord knows best. Be grateful for your blessings thus far. Good luck to you!!!

Roemhildt Family Fun said...

I enjoyed using the exercise ball I swear it moved my labor along the fastest. You're in my prayers.

Annalea said...

Jenni, fwiw, your c-section needs to be at least week later. Them scheduling it on your "Estimated Due Date" is not giving you a very fair chance. (And ultrasounds have a +/- 2 week window of accuracy, so even an ultrasound can only give you an EDD that's accurate within a MONTH window.) Yes, delaying would mean more days of misery, but the recovery from a vbac is so much less than a c-section. It would be worth the wait.

Since you were induced before, your body will probably wait a while to go into labor . . . so it's looks like your doctor is only humoring you about the VBAC. Your cervix didn't drop last time because your body wasn't ready for labor. (Inductions are one of the highest correlated interventions when it comes to c-sections.) Your cervix can and will do what it needs to do; it just needs to do it on it's own timeline. (Which is markedly different than the doctor's timeline.) Trying to force your body to give birth to Preston may have been the cause of your uncooperative cervix.

So, just don't show up for your scheduled c-section. ;o) Then call later and say "I'm sorry, something came up. When can we reschedule?" Or, just wait until you go into labor, and appear in the emergency room. Hospitals can't turn away people who need care (it's a law). You might want to call your insurance co and find out what the story would be if that kind of scenario played out. (You would definitely preface it by saying "Since this economy is so tough right now, I'm wondering what our coverage would be if . . . "

Yes, doctors know a lot about a lot of illnesses. But pregnancy is NOT an illness. In your case, it's more an instance of the hospital and doctors making your childbirth work in their schedules and (here's the real kicker) according to their liability insurance. Hence your doc's scheduling a c-section on your due date (which isn't fair at all), and most ob's abhorrence of allowing a woman to go overdue. It's all about liability.

I know this might be a lot to think about, but I wanted to put it out there for you.

Hang in there . . .

Chelle said...

Hey Jenni,

I wish I could just wish you into labor - but since I don't have my magic wand handy, I thought I'd share something I posted on my blog that helped me get through a rough patch (when Heather passed away). I know it's a different kind of pain, but I think the concept works for you just as well.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin shared a quote from his conference talk, "Come What May, and Love It". In a time such as this, the title seems an impossible feat. But a powerful quote from his address helps one understand: "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't - at least not in the moment. I don't think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don't think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath of cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." I love the words of the prophets, both past and present, because they can bring strength and comfort in the darkest hours of our lives. As we pass through this terribly dark shadow, my hope is that we will learn something, grow a bit wiser and ultimately, find the peace, hope and joy we are so desperately seeking.

Sending prayers, love, hope, peace, joy and wishes for labor to start already. Hang in there... the end is in sight, one way or another. ~M