Saturday, January 17, 2009

How Did I Get Here?

Tonight I sat in our running car in the grocery store parking lot with day-old makeup on my face, slippers (with no socks), my nursing bra only snapped on one side under a dirty shirt, a sleeping baby in the backseat...all while listening to Dalila on Seattle's Warm 106.9 soft favorites and waiting for Will (faithful husband, father, and movie-renter) to grab a free movie from the Red Box quiosk.

And the thought occured to me, "How did I get here?".

I suddenly thought back 5 years ago to when Will and I were dating, and I realized that there would be no way I would be caught sitting here with mascara dust under my eyes, a stinky shirt, sloppy bra, messy hair, and probably much more that I won't mention.

I probably would have had perfect makeup, perfect hair (most likely hot-rolled), wearing jeans that flattered my butt, a form fitting blouse that accentuated you-know-what, topped off with a few squirts of my favorite Ralph Lauren perfume Romance. I would be sitting there anxiously awaiting the first site of Will coming out of the store, knowing that it meant the long seperation of me waiting in the car and him in the store would soon end.

Oh my gosh. No. Actually, I'm wrong. I would have been in the store with him! Holding his hand, picking the movie out together, not wanting to miss one moment together.

And now here I sat, 5 years later, in the same car that we once made out in the backseat in the day I bought it, smelling like spit-up, feeling oh-so-flabbylicious with my 30 pounds of baby weight that I am still trying to shed.

I looked in the mirror and noticed, while looking past my sparkly wedding ring (the only classy thing about me today), that I hadn't really done my hair today. Ummm, I think I brushed it. Once. Maybe. What must my husband think of me??? It's Saturday right?

Just then Dalila interruped with her smooth radio voice and personality and she took a caller on the phone.

"And who is this?", Dalila asked.

"Cole." said he caller.

"And what can I do for you tonight?" Dalila asked in her famous s-l-o-w very enunciated almost sexy but warm voice.

"Well, " said Cole, "I'm sitting here having some bonding time with my new little son. My wife just gave birth to our first baby. I'm sitting here holding him and I am so in grateful...(you could hear the emotion in his voice). I just want to tell my wife that I love her SO SO SO much and I love our new little family."

And then as I blinked back tears because I always cry when I hear happy stories or sad commercials or movie trailers, it hit me.

Day old mascara = because instead of washing it off last night, my husband whisked me off to bed and then this morning he let me sleep in while he watched our little tyke.

Shoes but no socks = because Will wanted me to come rent a movie with him and I had no time for socks. Plus I hate socks. But that's not the point.

Extra 30 pounds = because my amazing body was healthy enough to make a tiny human and put my own needs aside and focus everything on doing that for 9 months.

Staying in the car instead of joining Will in the store = because my baby was sleeping in his carseat and he was too cute and too tired to wake up and bring inside.

Half-done-up nursing bra = I just provided a wholesome complete meal for my baby shortly before departing our house and forgot to snap my bra back up.

Dirty shirt = because part of that wholesome meal came back up.

Listening to "soft" romantic favorites = because hip hop, alternative, and punk just don't give me the positive warm fuzzy vibes that I like to feel while snuggly and sitting in a warm car at night with my sleeping baby. And besides, I like Dalila.

Sparkly diamond wedding ring on my finger = because that guy that I used to date and get all dolled up for I actually ended up marrying and couldn't have made a better decision in all my life.

And then, after realizing how I got here, I looked up to see my knight in shining armor running towards the car with a earband, jogging pants, a movie rental while exhaling steam into the freezing cold air because that's what he does. He lets me sit in the nice warm car while he battles the cold air and has no idea all of the huge long thought process I just went through and the amount of run-on sentences that would be a result of it in my next blog post.

Basically, all I really wanted to say is, I sure love that man.'s kinda obvious he loves me too.


Steve and Tammy said...

What an awesome story. It's the moments of epiphany that make life's moments of struggle not only bearable, but worthwhile.

The High Family said...

First- I LOVE DALILA! *singing...Love Someone Tonight*

Second- I cried when I read this beautiful post. I often find myself in deep thought about "how I got here" and I always end it with happy thoughts of love!

Third- We sure are lucky...aren't we? :)

Roemhildt Family Fun said...

Oh Jenni, I love you so much. I'm here sitting at the hospital with James and our new baby Gwenevere waiting for the Doctors to come check us out, reading your blog out load with tears running down my face. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Roemhildt Family Fun said...

PS Please let Steve and Tammy know I'm using her comment as my new quote for our blog. She is so right.

McClains said...

Love Dalila as well!! Chris always makes fun of me for listening to her, but I love it! Such a true thought process, isn't it great?

Lisita said...

Love your post... wishing you many more not so perfect but actually perfect evenings to come!

Will and Heidi said...

Yeah! Way to look at the positive side of things! Love is amazing.

NelsonFam said...

Your blog is incredible. You always seems to catch the moments and the feelings right on.

And i am so glad I am not the only one that forgets to snap the bra back up after feedings. :) (And I totally use your trick with the garment tops now too. It is awesome).

Sandy said...

Those are just a few of the many reasons we love you!!! We think Will did pretty good marrying you, too. By the way, I'm totally excited to make another dress for you. YEAH!!

Heather said...

Great perspective! I loved this post. I have been in that "what am I doing" situation before too. And I remember how bad I wanted this life when I was single :)

Anonymous said...

I love it-You have a wonderful way with words and a great insight on what is most important! Love ya-N

Marissa and Scott said...

How sweet! I love this post! Even if life is less glamorous right now, it was so worth it right? :)

Cupcake Dreamer said...

I also love Dalilah, but typically miss her program. I loved your blog on how you got to where you are now. I certainly can also relate. Sometimes I feel so non put together and not as glamourous as I once felt. Its hard not to dwell on the little things, but the moments that we get smiles from our hubbies or babies make it all worthwhile.

Nancy said...

Jenni, I have never met you before but have really come to know you and your little family through your blog. Your post just made me cry. Thank you for that! I have felt the same way many's it wonderful that they can still love you and think you're beautiful when you look like that? :)

Annalea said...

Jenni, sitting here in a day-old shirt, ponytail (haven't yet brushed my hair today), with goobery kids all around (gotta love sharing germs), reading that, was perfect.

I think I've got you beat on one thing, though . . . I'm wearing socks. ;o)

Hope today is a little more well-groomed!

Jenni said...

Nancy - thank you so much. I would love to see your blog too but I clicked on your profile and it wouldn't let me. I wanted to leave you a comment, but I'll just do it here. Anyway just wanted o say thank you. :)